i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
