Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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