I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
