He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
