i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
