Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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