also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
