i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
