her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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