his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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