woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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