dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
