Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
