Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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