Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
