So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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