I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Its about making memories worth repressing
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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