the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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