Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
