I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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