Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
