Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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