Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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