Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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