drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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