Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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