I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
FUCK WHALES
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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