i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
