When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize