thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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