the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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