so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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