Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
