ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
