I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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