Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
