What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let the clothes fall where they may.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
