why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
