i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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