The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
