porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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