this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
