Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
