i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize