I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
