It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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