when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize