mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
