this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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