Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
