I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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