This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
