Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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