i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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Green mimosas i think yes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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