I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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