she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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