I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
