im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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