i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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