Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
