Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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