Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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