I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
