I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
