just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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