I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
