Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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