just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
