why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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