i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We just shotgunned beers for America
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
