I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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