Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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