when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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