He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
