you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
